Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
