And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize