Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
