my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
