The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
