Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
