I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
