Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
