So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
