Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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