Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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