have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
