i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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