:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have aggressive nipples.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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