he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
