Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
