I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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