I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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