One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sext me about skeletons
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
