And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
