She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize