i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize