Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
