I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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