Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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