Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
