You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
