arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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