she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
