Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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