This is not my ceiling
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
