I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
