I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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