I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
