Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
