His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
