I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
