I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize