I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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