So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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