You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
