Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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