you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
