his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
