How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
