1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
