what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
