You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
