Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize