Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We need a shit load of segways right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
