She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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