Small penises have feelings too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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