That's intense
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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