I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
