I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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