We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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