YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
