I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
