so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
