That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
