So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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