I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize