I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
