I just threw up on my dentist
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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