He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
