Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize