is your mom at the bar?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
