I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize