i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
